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When you’re pitching to a client, getting interviewed for a job or delivering an important presentation – the one thing people will see, feel and remember is your confidence.
But watch out: it’s weirdly easy to overdo or undersell confidence.
And as I pointed out yesterday on LinkedIn, both are problematic:
❌ Being overconfident turns people off.
❌ Showing a lack of confidence doesn’t inspire trust.
So how can you get that perfect balance – how can you Goldilocks confidence? Glad you asked.
Follow this 3-step framework to hack your confidence:
🔥 Deeply understand your confidence levels
Take time to honestly analyze your current level of confidence:
- Your eye contact: are you avoiding this or are you overdoing it with creepy staring?
- Your posture: Are you stiff? Do you sway constantly? Nervous tick?
- Your smile: Smiling too much or completely forgetting?
- Your voice: Are you mumbling? Are you talking too loudly or too fast?
- Your adaptability: Are you able to adapt what you’re saying based on the situation?
Understanding where you are will help you adapt your confidence levels to match the situation – which brings me to…
🔥 Call & Raise
People see us not as we are but as they are. So if someone perceives you as overconfident, that’s because there is a mismatch between their confidence and yours.
So what you need to do is match the other person’s confidence and then raise – just like in poker.
Observe your audience closely. If they’re timid and soft, don’t come at them like a steamroller. Match how confident they are – and then increase your confidence level slightly.
🔥 Learn to actively listen and adapt
Just listening is not enough. Learn to listen actively:
Be 100% present (no distractions).
Really understand what the other person’s saying – AND give them plenty of time to speak (no long monologues).
Once you master this art, you will get clear data on the other person – are they interested in you? Do they care about what you’re saying? The next step is to make changes to how you speak based on the data the other person’s giving you.
And bonus tip (because I like you):
🔥 Play up your charm
No matter what your personality is – there is SOMETHING charming and attractive about you. It could be your smile, your sense of humor or the way you maintain eye contact.
Take time to understand what it is about you that puts people at ease and intentionally do more of it.
I hope these helped! And if you’re committed to transforming your confidence, I’m only one discovery call away.
Till we meet again, speak fearlessly!